After refusing to give stepfather a loan, woman was told she shouldn’t have been abusive as a child
When one of the parents begins a new relationship and a stranger becomes the new mother or father, children may react in several different ways. , may really like the person, may reject or tolerate.
It’s understandable for children to react negatively, but when adults are clearly not committed to treating all children equally, it becomes a problem and fuels resentment even more. Don’t be surprised when your children grow up and stop seeing you as family.
But it happens more often than you might think. This woman on Reddit said her stepfather, who didn’t care about her when she was young, asked for her loan because her biological daughter needed money for her down payment. I could see it with my own eyes when I went to her.
More information: reddit
The woman never felt that her stepfather was part of her family, so his claims that this was the case when asking for money could not convince her.
Image credit: Micah Baldwin (not actual photo)
The original poster (OP) is now 29 and his mother married his stepfather when he was 10. The woman’s father was absent, her mother worked at a minimum-wage job, her stepfather was wealthy, and the family lived in a large house and a nice neighborhood.
The problem is that the stepfather didn’t treat his stepchild OP and older brother Luke the same way he did his biological daughters Amy and Ada, ages 12 and 11.
Amy and Ada had separate rooms, but OP and Luke had to share one room, even though the house had another spare room. However, her stepfather refused to allow her children to use that room because her mother did not contribute much to her home, so she used it less and less. became.
It was agreed from the beginning that the spouses would have separate finances and take care of the children separately, but the stepfather would take the children and wife on vacation several times a year, excluding the stepchildren. It seemed unfair.
The woman is now 29, her mother married her stepfather when she was 10, and her entire family, including her brother, moved in with him.
Image credit: 692MPLMN
The stepchildren were clearly abused and emotionally abused, but their mother thought everything would be fine as long as they lived in a nice house. grasped this detail and remembered that the family came from a poor background, believing that his mother thought it was better than struggling to pay the rent in a crumbling apartment.
The children disagreed and decided to become financially independent when given the chance. Her brother was also doing very well financially and didn’t keep in much contact with her stepfather and stepsisters after leaving her home.
My mom had a minimum wage job and lived in a big house in a nice neighborhood, so my new life was quite different.
Image credit: 692MPLMN
But recently she visited her mother and met her father-in-law. Her stepfather took this opportunity to seek financial support. Amy is pregnant and she wants to buy a house, but needs £50,000 more for her deposit and seeing that OP and Luke already have a house, they ask her I was able to help my sister.
The stepfather promised to return the money in the inheritance, but both the OP and her brother refused. Money wasn’t an issue for me, as I was happy to help buy the
However, the parents split the household budget, so the stepchildren could not afford the good stuff and had to share a room, even though there was a spare room.
Image credit: 692MPLMN
The stepfather brought up the family argument and said we should help each other, so the OP reminded him of how she treated her family when she was a child. However, it didn’t change the OP’s mind, as he admitted his mistake when Luke and the OP were already independent and didn’t want anything to do with him anymore.
Despite what the woman said was true and valid, her mother believed she didn’t need to bring up her childhood as an argument for denying her loan request. , if he had just accepted that his stepfather would not give his daughter money, he would not have even mentioned it, but calling them family for asking for money was going too far.
So the woman and her brother became independent as soon as possible and now both have their own homes
Image credit: 692MPLMN
People in the comments agreed that the stepfather, who mentions how families need to support each other, wants a response from the OP. She didn’t stand up for her kids So they were pretty disappointed with OP’s mom as well.
Coaching Mike and Kim states that stepparents should not be expected to love their stepchildren the same way they love their biological children. Because it takes time.
They distinguish between love and favor. It is relatively easy for a stepparent to like their stepchildren. But when biochildren become part of the dynamic, this can become something else entirely. ”
My father-in-law’s daughter is also planning to buy a house, but I need a down payment, so I asked her to donate.
Image credit: 692MPLMN
There are several obvious ways in which favoritism manifests itself. family life If one child regularly feels that they receive more expensive gifts than others, punishes them more than others, or gives them more chores or responsibilities, Alert parents to take action. While it’s normal to spend more time with your own child, experts recommend striking a balance and paying attention to all children.
Mixed family favors have serious consequences, so it’s important to keep a balance. Children may resent both parents. Also, relationships between stepbrothers can be ruined, so like the OP, they may not feel like family by definition.
She refused, and when her stepfather continued to insist that families help each other, the woman reminded him of how she had been treated as a child.
Image credit: 692MPLMN
This was a bit harsh as the man regretted his actions, but the woman’s mother asked if her words were justified.
Image credit: k.steudel (not actual photo)
What are your thoughts on this story? Do you think that because the OP was able to live in a nice house, she’s supposed to give her stepfather’s daughter a loan she knows she can’t repay? Do you agree with others? Let us know what you think in the comments.