We all have had moments in our lives when we needed the perfect comeback to make everyone laugh or put someone in their place. But if we could say what’s on the tip of our tongue, could we have saved our reputation in that moment?
Well, don’t worry, because we’re here to help fill your arsenal with the best insults to come Viral Askreddit community thread!
About this article bored panda We also got in touch with Stan Carey, an experienced copy editor and professional language writer from Ireland.you can visit their website here aAlso find more interesting but blatant articles about swearing. strong language blog.
More information: reddit
Some guy on Reddit says he had an affair with OP’s mother. The OP responds, “I’m glad to know I’m not her biggest disappointment anymore,” that epic insult of hers we haven’t heard before or since.
When I was in high school, one of my classmates answered a question with the typical “your mother”, not realizing that the teacher’s mother had passed away. Without a moment’s hesitation, the teacher said, “Get my mother out of here. I’m not making fun of your parents.
I’m 16 and I’m trying to convince my dad to go see American Pie with my friends. Me: A group of high school friends trying to lose their virginity. Dad: Stay home and you can see it.
If you’re particularly interested in how certain vulgar words and their alternatives have evolved over the decades, Jonathon Green’s Historical Slang Timeline, as suggested by Stan. With little context, it’s pretty funny to learn that in the 1850s the synonym for “stupid” was “sucking eggs.”
My colleague was told the following when the waitress tried to hit her.
“Your personality is worse than your pants”
My teacher once said to a classmate who continued to make the meanest contribution to the conversation:
“You make it really hard to underestimate you.”
The man didn’t know what it meant, he thought it was a compliment.
“brother kite It’s a colorful insult with an old-fashioned flavor that’s fun to say,” says Stan Carey. Apparently, the “-skite” part implies sh*t and most people don’t know it. Blather means an empty long story, so you can probably guess what it means.
In response to being told that he was drunk during the debate, Winston Churchill replied, “I may be drunk, but tomorrow I will be sober. But ma’am, you will always be ugly. ”
I was in a pool in Vegas with my shirt open and my straw cowboy hat on.A friend said, “Damn, why can’t I have sex in that outfit today?”
Another friend said, “Don’t worry, he’ll show you.”
Pretty pretentious people get out of limousines at clubs, pretend they’re better than themselves at the front of the line, and joke that bouncers “can always talk to the clowns who always arrive in the same car.”
Irish English has insults of Irish origin at every turn. sleebenrefer to an untrustworthy person, and cute hoa is a common example, especially in political contexts. Sleiben is particularly popular in Irish politics, where it is used to define politicians as soft-spoken rogues.
I was playing Pavlov (a VR game) with several people, and one of them was a very annoying child who kept saying things like, “I’m an adopted child, so I can’t.”He did it to a guy and the guy replies something like “I return the insult but it means someone wants you”
The entire lobby erupted. He idk if you got it from somewhere else.
My favorite of all times was from the roast mee. The man is wearing a plaid shirt and the lines are:
“Thanks for wearing the graph paper so I can calculate the exact waste of space.”
When I was 16, I accidentally cut by a woman and she yelled at me through the car window, “Who made you get your license!?!?” I laughed so hard. It really stuck with me.
Stan also exchange by GB Shaw and Winston Churchill, but its authenticity is dubious at best.
Shaw: I am enclosing two tickets for the first night of the new play. Please bring your friends.
Churchill: I probably won’t be able to attend the first night. Attend second – if any.
The best I heard recently was someone commenting on a shirtless photo of a man and calling him Tragic Mike.
A few years ago I was at a hot girl bar with some of my co-workers after work. , looked really nice. One of my co-workers girlfriend got a little too drunk and started hitting her, but she handled it well. I guess I was used to it. He pulled her to her side and shouted at her loudly in front of all of us. “Fuck Me Blonde”. Without missing a beat, she answers. She said “A*****e Brown” and walked away. We all died laughing and tipped her off so well. Needless to say, I was turned down after that. 6 years later, I still think 😂
You’ll have a hard time pouring water out of a boot that has instructions printed on the heel.
You have two brain cells, both competing for third place.
Somewhere there is a tree that energetically produces oxygen for you to breathe. You should go apologize for it.
At my funeral, I want a colleague to be a pallbearer and lower the coffin into the grave so he can disappoint me one last time.
And my personal favorite is from the *Frasier* episode:
>Roger, Cornell University has an amazing scientific instrument known as the tunneling electron microscope. Now this microscope is so powerful that by emitting electrons, we can actually see images of atoms, the building blocks of the universe. Roger, if I were using that microscope now, I wouldn’t have been able to find any interest in your problem.
Finally, Stan Carey further dictates: Anecdotes from Luis Buñuel’s Autobiography about how the curse helped him get past border controls during the Spanish Civil War. In fact, blasphemy in Spain is a true art. For example, in Mexico, I’ve never heard of a proper curse, but in my home country, a good curse lasts for at least three decently sized sentences. […] It was this kind of curse seemingly uttered so strongly that I threatened the three anarchists of Port Bow. When I finished they stamped my paperwork and I crossed the border. ”
Your mom is so slow it took her nine months to come up with a joke.
My husband was out with a friend in his 20s. When one of them came downstairs in a sweater and a khaki chuck from his tailor, his roommate said, “What’s wrong, Ellen?”
I always thought Robert Downey^2 vs. Val Kilmer was funny.
“Look in the dictionary under the definition of idiot, do you know what you’ll find?”
“Ah, my picture?”
“No, you will find the definition of an idiot, you are *f*****g*!”
Or literally anything that comes out of Peter Capaldi’s mouth “in the loop”