Guy turns down twin brother and ex-girlfriend’s wedding invitation and asks if he’s wrong

It’s no big secret that you can’t choose who you fall in love with. “The heart wants what it wants” and so on – but for some families this complicates things.

passer-by user u/Much_Significance157 I shared my story online. The thing is, he quit with his high school sweetheart just before he left for college, and a year later he discovered that his twin brother and his ex had become an item. got engaged, but the author wasn’t thrilled about it at all.

“Aita who refused her twin brother’s wedding?” – This internet user joined one of Reddit’s most thought-provoking and critical communities, declining an invitation to his twin brother’s wedding because he’s hooked up with an ex-girlfriend. , asked members if it was a silly move.

You can’t expect things to happen and others to respond to your feelings – but there are moments when you wish it was possible.

The post’s creator first started dating his current ex when he was 16, but they decided to break up just before he left for college. However, his high school sweetheart stayed local.When he returned home from his first year, his brother told him that he and his ex had become a thing. Naturally, the author wasn’t thrilled with the news, but there was nothing he could do: the two decided to keep her things polite unless the twin mentioned or interacted with her. We finally agreed.

Fast-forward to now: The brother surprised the author with another string of news, telling him that the two were engaged. But as you can probably guess, he refused.

The Redditor was then bombarded with considerable flak by his family. His family called him “selfish” and demanded he only “suck” for one night. He doesn’t feel comfortable attending such an event, so he looked online to see if he was doing it wrong.

Now, to get a more professional take on this situation, bored panda I decided to contact a few experts.I first contacted you Sven Rauch “I am a certified Emotional Logic Coach who specializes in building deeper emotional connections by learning an emotional language that enables couples to process their conflicts assertively and vulnerablely. When asked next whether it was ethical to have a relationship with a sibling’s ex-boyfriend, the man replied: If all parties have recovered from the emotional setbacks that such situations can cause, no big deal. Things get complicated when emotional wounds aren’t handled properly. ”

Finally, BP asked Sven Rauch How should this situation be handled?

“Firstly, the twins have never resolved this issue. The agreement they reached looks like a coping mechanism that undermines their relationship. A conflict of interest is a wall between them. Suggestions The wedding that took place amplifies all the pain, and everyone seems to be surprised at the intensity.

How do you handle that issue?

There are no quick fixes when everyone evaluates every relationship involved. We have to recognize that each person has been hurt in some way.

My brother, who broke up with his girlfriend, has a lot of unresolved grief from the broken three relationships with his ex-boyfriend, brother, and family. His breakup with his ex affected his relationship with his family and eventually with his brother. He needs to realize that the emotions he feels are driven by his values, not by all these events. I wonder if he actually got over his ex.

As you can hear in the post, all involved seem surprised by the intensity of the pain that has surfaced, which is not uncommon. Getting things done requires recognizing the complexity of the situation and the many relationships at stake. Each party must learn to identify what they value and how to communicate those values ​​to each other openly and assertively. This allows all parties to understand each other better. Seeing how everyone feels differently about the situation and not understanding the impact on others will provide a better foundation for restoring relationships. If unwilling, they will eventually destroy one relationship and maintain another.

It is also very important for new couples to discuss those things and identify how it will affect their relationship. Only open and vulnerable conversations allow us to build deep emotional connections that can carry pain out of relationships without destroying cherished relationships.

Given the complexity of the issue, try to bring in experts who will make it easier for you to learn about each other. But it requires a commitment and willingness from all parties to recovery and reconciliation. ”

Our second expert is Rachel New, Dating and Relationships Coach and Educator in London, UK.

“On all ethical issues, it depends on the situation! If your sibling hasn’t been with him or her that long, it’s an amicable goodbye, and it’s a good idea for your siblings to be honest, supportive, and considerate with each other. I can imagine a healthy scenario where they were in a relationship, where the siblings communicated openly with each other, tried their best for each other, accepted that life could be messy and painful, and said, “Right.” “You’ll value relationships more than things” about the illegality of dating your brother’s ex.

we also invited Rachel New To share her professional perspective on how to handle the situation, she said:

“This is the story of two brothers who deal with situations in a healthy way.

Let’s say Brother 1 is the first to go out with that person. A few months after the breakup, Brother 2 will be able to talk to Brother 1 about wanting to date his ex. , should express a desire to minimize that pain. Sibling 1 may say it’s nice to meet you, but he won’t want to see you with you unless you’re serious about it. Sibling 1 can also spend time with a friend or counselor (or a dating coach!) to process their feelings about the relationship and siblings. They may conclude that: But my brother and my ex are good people and would only do this if it was really necessary. A more mature part of me is hoping my brother will find love.

For example, after 6 months, Brother 2 can tell Brother 1 why he thinks this relationship has long-term potential and ask if they are ready to meet. Brother 1 said, “Part of me is struggling with some hard feelings and wondering how I feel about seeing you with me, but if this relationship makes you happy, my Some want to support you. It’s better.

Sibling 2 and their partner make sure they are responsive, for example, by not over-exaggerating in front of Sibling 1 at first or by keeping meetings short with the rest of the family Sibling 1 should be careful to be friendly and not create drama out of awkwardness. Brother 2 keeps in touch with Brother 1 about their relationship becoming more serious. Sibling 1 enjoys his own social and romantic life, can date other people, and get emotional support from many. Perhaps the siblings will grow apart a little more as they have their own romantic lives, but they will make an effort to stay connected.

Later, when Brother 2 announces their engagement, Brother 1 will be better prepared. You can admit to yourself that you are feeling a little sad or jealous. By this stage, Sibling 1 has learned healthy ways to deal with negative emotions so that they don’t overwhelm them and jeopardize valuable relationships. ”

What are your thoughts on the matter now that the experts have spoken out?