‘I was told terrible things’: Family furious at uncle who wants to go on a trip instead of babysitting nephew
It’s hard to say “no” when your family asks for help. But there is always a limit to someone’s generosity. You can’t keep saying yes every time they need a hand. You too have a life of your own and you can’t sacrifice all your plans, hopes and dreams.
Redditor u/ThrowAwayUncle44 shared how he got gigantic quarrel with his brother and sister-in-law after refusing to care for his nephew. The whole situation exploded. Scroll down to see the full story and OP updates.
bored panda reached out to u/ThrowAwayUncle44 via Reddit. I will update the article as soon as I hear from him.
Helping your family is one thing, but no one wants to be an unpaid babysitter for their relatives
Image credit: Sameer Dabur (not actual photo)
A man shared how his family reacted after choosing to travel with his partner over caring for his nephew
Image credit: vadymvdrobot (not actual photo)
Image credit: nd3000 (not actual photo)
Image credit: abandoned uncle 44
The uncle later provided an update on how the situation escalated further.
Image credit: InnaVlasova (not actual photo)
Image credit: abandoned uncle 44
The family was appalled when their uncle objected to their demands.
The debate that followed the redditor’s declaration that he wanted to go on a trip with his girlfriend instead of taking care of his nephew was of epic proportions. And OP’s family accused him of not pulling his weight, with suggestions thrown that he should sacrifice everything for his family.
However, his family apparently saw him as a go-to babysitter whenever they needed his help. It seems unfair to impose such a heavy responsibility on close family members. Especially if you don’t seem particularly excited about being a nanny. The whole situation raises many questions as to why the child’s parents do not care for the child, and why all the other family members do not step in to volunteer and help.
The majority of redditors who read the story thought the OP was clearly correct. Meanwhile, in an update, the redditor shared how he apologized to his family. However, his relatives did not apologize. It seemed like all they cared about was whether he would become a babysitter again.
Establishing clear boundaries is essential for healthy family relationships
There seem to be two main problems here. The first has to do with setting boundaries with your family and how you are struggling to come to terms with this new reality. It seems to be related to money.
When it comes to setting boundaries, there is no alternative good communicationEveryone should set expectations and be on the same page. It is important not to take for granted that relatives are willing to help. It’s okay to ask for help from time to time. But turning babysitting into a laborious and rewarding part-time job is probably not the best way to get someone’s good side.
live without arbitrary bounds It means living at your expense. It is essential for healthy and thriving relationships, whether family or romantic. Having boundaries is not selfish. Quite the opposite. If you don’t tell them and force them, they will start to resent those who cross them.
In looking for compromises, the closer you get to others, the more flexible your boundaries are okay (you care about these people, after all), but the more you think other people are to you. It is a mistake to do whatever other people tell you every time you say it, just because you have a relationship with them. Being part of a family doesn’t mean giving up all your identity.
Some families see each relative’s time and money as a shared resource
The second issue here is a little more subtle. According to a post on redditor u/ThrowAwayUncle44, he seems to be doing pretty well financially. He can go on a trip with his girlfriend every month. And his relatives even said he should pay for his nephew’s daycare and other expenses.
There is nothing wrong with wanting to help your family financially. Many people will. The problem, however, is that OP has expectations that they must do these things. it is expected of him. His family seems to view his resources as their own. If someone asks you for something, it’s not a real gift.
As we covered earlier about Bored Panda, when someone gets rich, family, friends and acquaintances start doing it. mental arithmetic About what they can ask of you. If you don’t follow their wishes, they may start getting mad at you. Your best approach is to practice stealth wealth (seemingly living a middle-class lifestyle) or explain that you’re setting up your money to donate to a charity you care about. After that, when you have money left over, you can gift it to your closest and dear ones as you please, with no expectations or strings attached.
The post author shared some details in the comments
The reader gave the man sound advice.this is what they had to say
